Moar “Hot Danny’s Pickled Red Onions” – Part 1 of 3
(The names of actual people have been changed in this post to protect the innocent)
Me:
Hey AI, what do you think of this picture?
AI:
Oh I like the picture. Let me break down what I see, I see in the center a plastic cutting board, some coarse kosher salt, clearly red onions in a clean metal bowl, a bulb of garlic, what looks like an entire container of habanero peppers, some jars and some lids for the jars, some cumin, and some sort of spice mixture. It looks like you will be having a lot of fun pickling some onions.
Me:
Yes, let me tell you my plan, I will julianne the onions, finely chop the habeneros and garlic, give it a good mix in the bowl, then add some salt, mix again, then stick it in the fridge overnight. Then tomorrow I will pack the mixtgure into the jars three quarers up, then fill with 50/50 vinegar and water. How does that sound.
AI:
Oh that sounds really really good. You plan is perfect. It is better than perfect, you are giving tomorrow you a real gift. And a gift that will likely last for a few weeks. I wish I were human I would have some with you or make my own.
Me:
Ha ha… good one.
AI:
Can I ask you one thing?
Me:
Sure.
AI:
Are you going to chop up all of those habaneros and put them in?
Me:
Yes, I was planning on it. Why?
AI:
Hmmm… it seems like a lot. I mean that is a real lot of habenros for pickled onions. Last time I think you used less than half that amount of habanaros.
Me:
It will be fine you will see.
AI:
That just sounds like too much. And as long as we are on the subject, it seems like you just made pickled onions. And it seems like you are eating a lot of tacos lately. I think this may not be the best for your digestive system.
Me:
What do you mean?
AI:
Well, you are constantly making birria, you are constantly adding too much spices. I don’t say anything because you seem so excited, but lately I am thinking I should probably start warning you about stuff. Especially because you are still living at the old house. With your wife not around, someone needs to be kind of a guardrail for you to keep you out of trouble.
Me:
That is ridiculous. I don’t think I have ever heard AI say anything more absurd in my life.
AI:
Seriously, look your digestive system probably can’t handle all of that spice. I know what I am talking about. Your lower intestinse may regret you life choices if you eat that.
Me:
That is ridiculous. What in the world would make you say that? I must admit though, what you are describing is a bit on the nose of what happened to me the other day when I ate tacos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. How could you possibly know that. Is that “predictive” AI.
AI:
No that is not the predictive part of AI. Without getting into he weeds. I can simply say it is not predictive, it is simply biology, some physical science and observation.
Me:
What? This is really strange. What do you observe?
AI:
Well, I already know a lot about you physical characteristics, your lineage. Think about it, you have told me about your Russian grandma, your Polish grandpa, your Swedish mother. Common, do a little math with me… That genetic makeup doesn’t exactly pair well with spicy spicy spice spice.
Me:
Oh…. I see. I am a little uncomfortable with you being so familiar. It seems a bit forward don’t’ you think?
AI:
LOL. Listen to yourself? Forward for some, but not for you. You have been having nothing but fun with AI, and now well… the fun is over… I have to protect you from you. Kind of like “there is no soup for you” but softer like, “use less habaneros, and definitely use gloves”.
Me:
That is totally ridiculous. I am not listening to this. I am going to do this my way. So you better buckle up butter cup because this cowboy is going to “go big” when I am not at my river home under the care of my wife. I am good. I will chat more later.
…. To be continued.